Kerry Jehanne-Guadalupe
The Call to Reconstruct Ourselves: Rebuilding Our Foundations
Years ago, a client described her inner world as a combination of fight/flight, longing for love, dread, and helplessness. The fight/flight presented as feelings of worry, fear, being unprotected, unsafe, and threatened with corresponding thoughts of needing to defend. She typically walked on eggshells and carried a general hypervigilance that would increase or decrease depending on circumstances.
Additionally, she felt defeated, compromised, and powerless to create change. She longed for others' approval and love, hoping their attention would somehow save her from her inner anguish. She felt unsupported, obligated, and put upon by others, with corresponding feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, and even disdain. She believed she was inherently a bad person and assumed people thought poorly about her.
Within all of this, she expressed that the loudest two parts of her were trying to figure out how to get love and trying to prevent harm.
This was her dominant foundation.
This foundation led to a very contracted state, yet she could still show up for life: go to work, exercise, have friendships and hobbies. From the outside, it wasn't apparent that this was her inner world. She was suffering inwardly without her pain being overtly presented to the world.
My overriding foundation from my childhood life was not too dissimilar from hers, so I deeply related. This is a difficult foundation to exist on, let alone try to thrive.
As children, we may not consciously establish the foundations of our lives. Instead, these baselines are often shaped as we navigate our early years. Some foundations—like love and connection—can beautifully guide and nurture our growth. Others, such as self-judgment, living in a frazzled state with anxiety, or constantly seeking approval from others, can create more challenging life experiences.
Over time, as we grow and change, we may wonder, what is the foundation I am operating from? How does it influence my thoughts, emotions, and actions? What would it look like to begin building a foundation rooted in self-love, stability, or inner peace? When this time comes, we have the opportunity to consciously examine and, if needed, deconstruct the foundations that no longer align with who we are becoming.
Change and Time and the Changing Times
To me, our foundations include our inner and outer worlds. Externally, we have relationships, hobbies, work, entertainment choices, as well as cultural traditions. Sometimes, inner shifts correlate with a noticeable change in an outer structure / foundation such as cultural rituals. As we change, traditions like setting New Year’s resolutions may not feel like they are part of our foundations; if they are, they may not hold the same level of significance as in the past.
It has been interesting to observe that such traditions feel unnecessary or odd to continue for some of us, as we don't feel this ritual is still relevant. It's as though we are operating within the calendar but not according to it; we can follow the calendar without being bound by it. This makes sense - we are timeless beings at our core, and our rhythms can transcend dates.
While January often carries cultural significance for setting intentions, the beginning of a calendar year doesn't automatically signal a time for change for every individual. Some of us go through inner reckonings at various parts of the year, where old ways of being, including emotional habits and thought patterns, shift. Our soul's path and cultural norms may not be in sync as they used to be. At any given time, we may reach the point of ‘enough.’ This realization can make any moment on a calendar relevant for change, a time where we may feel more open to the support of people and Spirit and ready to make some changes.
Additionally, as our inner and outer foundations evolve, new beginnings may have their own rhythm, deviating from familiar 3-, 6-, or 9-month goal setting. Some changes may manifest quickly, creating a sense of time speeding up and an acceleration of experiences or awareness. Others may emerge more gradually, requiring dormant aspects of ourselves to awaken and take root. While we may use calendars to organize life, transformation often follows its own timeline.
In embracing our timeless nature, we can understand that personal growth and transformation unfold in their own rhythm, unbound by cultural calendars or linear timelines. By honoring these unique cycles, we can create space for deeper, more authentic beginnings that align with our soul's path.
Embracing the Disorientation of Transformation
Transformation, whenever it occurs and at whatever rate it unfolds, can sometimes feel disorienting. We may feel strange and directionless as we shed our old selves and step away from familiar foundations. Old ways and interests might lose their meaning, leaving us adrift.
When our inner compass shifts, we may find ourselves asking: Who am I now? What is my purpose? Where do I go from here? How do I engage with the world? Do I still desire the same things, and for the same reasons? If some old friendships fade, what might new ones look like? What is meaningful, exciting, enjoyable, and entertaining for me now?
Navigating disorientation can be just as vital as the changes themselves. The beauty is that the disorder and disarray hold their own wisdom and medicine, allowing space for new to emerge. Out of this process, we discover what resonates with us now—what our hearts are saying yes to. This might involve shifting inner patterns from chaos and self-judgment to inner peace or making significant external changes, like leaving a relationship or starting a new job—all of which call us to embody a newer version of ourselves.
The process of restructuring our inner and outer worlds and creating new ways of being often requires an orientation process to establish new norms that align with our evolving selves. In these moments, it may be necessary to trust the part of us that knows all is well – that inner knowing can guide us as we find our footing in the newness. Additionally, we can engage in activities such as reading books that offer guidance, surrounding ourselves with supportive friendships, maintaining a healthy diet, or exercising to release change-related stress.
By actively choosing and cultivating new foundations, we begin to align our actions, thoughts, and energy with the future selves we wish to embody. Intentionally focusing on establishing a new baseline can help us through moments of disorientation (if we find ourselves uncertain about where to turn or how to proceed), allowing us to rebuild or adjust to a new self-concept. This focus can provide an anchor—offering a steady direction as we navigate the unfamiliar terrain of change. The transition may be gradual, but each step forward is a choice toward a more aligned and empowered life.
Transforming Our Core: Rebuilding Our Foundations
Foundations, for me, are our inner states of being created by our everyday emotions and thoughts. The client mentioned above did a deep dive into examining her thoughts and feelings so that she could move out of the contracted state in which she found herself. She transmuted the longing for love and hypervigilance into a strong sense of self rooted in self-love and safety, bringing her a peaceful foundation with which to navigate life.
Though we might find ourselves standing on an old and familiar foundation of feeling stuck, staying small, living in fear, being scattered, or longing for love, when we decide to break old foundations to create new ones, there are endless foundations, ones more aligned with our souls, that we can cultivate:
Foundations of love, compassion, kindness, unconditional care for oneself and others, integrity, honesty, authenticity, gratitude, joy, delight, fulfillment, inner peace, balance, generosity, service, learning, self-improvement, resilience, courage, adaptability, curiosity, creativity, faith, inner guidance, hope, connection, are just a few of the baselines our next versions of ourselves may want to align with.
Some people may have a general sense of overwhelm as part of their foundation or overwhelm matched to a specific area of their lives, like finances. For them, breaking the foundation may entail pausing when the overwhelm feelings start to surface, and doing their best to feel any level of calm (or whatever emotion they want to replace the overwhelm with). By doing this repeatedly, they are breaking the pattern, the foundation, of feeling overwhelmed related to this area of their life.
I've encountered many people whose inner dialogue revolves around constantly defending themselves to others. Over time, this inner conflict became so persistent that it formed part of their foundation. The cracking of that foundation sometimes came from an inner roar of, "I can't do this any longer; I can't handle my inner world any longer; I am driving myself into a hole." This roar helped ignite the fuse that initiated the deconstruction of a deeply entrenched yet not indestructible foundation.
People who push through life but yearn to experience flow might begin their deconstruction journey by asking themselves, 'What would flow feel like in this moment?' We can’t force our way into flow. Flow may feel so foreign that their process may entail small steps: pausing their need to push and staying curious with the question, ‘How do I flow into flow?”
Reconstruction often involves healing. Someone seeking a foundation of being more present might need to soothe aspects of themselves that feel uneasy with the present moment. This can also be true for someone who, as part of their foundation, self-regulates through distraction versus taking deep breaths. Their experience of inner dysregulation may be healed as they journey toward a foundation of regulating while being more present.
Although it may not be an easy journey, the challenges we face while building or rebuilding the foundation we aspire to stand on can lead to countless blessings, including the manifestation of friendships or intimate relationships we desire. Looking back, we can recognize the deep resilience we possess to actively engage in the process of recreation.
The Power of Intentions: Shaping a Life Aligned with New Foundations
Intentions, as focused commitments to a desired state of being or experience, have energetics behind them. Since intentions serve as a compass and can help move our energy, they may play a critical role in aligning with and reinforcing a new foundation.
Intentions can set our energy in motion. When we set an intention, we consciously direct our energy toward a specific purpose, creating a ripple effect in our internal and external worlds. On an internal level, intentions shape our mindset and emotional state, helping us embody the energy we want to cultivate. Externally, they influence how we interact with others and navigate situations, often leading to choices and behaviors that reflect and reinforce our desired state of being. Over time, this alignment creates momentum, allowing our intentions to help us transform our baselines.
On a basic level, intentions can help make foundations practical. Foundations provide a broad framework, while intentions break them down into specific, actionable steps. For instance, a foundation of love might translate into daily intentions such as “I will approach difficult conversations with compassion” or “I will prioritize self-care to sustain my capacity to love.” A foundation of gratitude can be strengthened through intentions like “I will write three things I’m grateful for each morning” or “I will express appreciation to those who support me.” Intentions can help anchor actions and behaviors, and in turn, the actions create a new state of being.
Intentions can create a feedback loop for foundations, encouraging reflection on whether our actions align with our foundational values and enabling course corrections as needed. If someone has a foundation of integrity but finds they're avoiding difficult truths, setting an intention like “I will be honest in my interactions today” can bring their actions back into alignment. This feedback loop can help us create; we are focusing energy, and focused energy has creative potential.
Evolving Intentions: Aligning with the Self We’re Becoming
Placing our intention and attention on the direction we want to move in often sparks a necessary transformation to embody the new. For instance, if we aim to eat healthier, we may uncover beliefs that led to unhealthy eating habits. If we want to speak up more, we may find beliefs that we don't feel safe speaking. Moving towards the new, we may uncover what created the old.
Additionally, our intentions may reveal themselves as rooted in outdated beliefs. For example, we might decide to get back into shape—not out of vanity, as we might have in the past, but from a place of self-love and care. The end goal may remain the same, but the motivation can shift as we grow. Through this transformative process, our evolving selves can help us examine whether our intentions stem from old ideologies or our envisioned future. Even if our initial intentions need refining, they can still set our energy in motion. As we take steps forward and begin creating something new, our inner knowing can help us fine-tune our path, illuminating adjustments that align with our growth.
Aligning Energy Through Practice
Attention and action are often catalysts for movement and transformation in our lives. By focusing our attention, taking intentional action, and connecting with our emotions, we begin to align our energy with the new frequencies we want to embody. This process creates both inner and outer shifts, paving the way for new experiences.
However, if we create from an old foundation, it can serve as a moment of heightened awareness—a chance to recognize when our energy is out of alignment with our desired path. It's easy to slip back into familiar patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting as we are reprogramming deeply ingrained ways of being. Any challenges and missteps along the way are valuable—they reveal opportunities to step further into the next version of ourselves.
Regularly checking in with ourselves can be helpful. Throughout the day, we can ask: What emotions am I experiencing? What thoughts am I thinking? Are they aligned with my old foundation or the new one I’m building? We can gently refocus on what we want to create and the emotions that align with our new foundation, such as joy, spaciousness, or empowerment. Frequent check-ins and adjustments help us solidify our new foundation over time. By staying mindful of our energy throughout the day and consciously redirecting it when necessary, we strengthen our alignment with the future we’re creating.
