Kerry Jehanne-Guadalupe
Gratitude is often hailed as a transformative force, a key that unlocks feelings of expansiveness and connectedness. But what, in turn, opens the gateway to gratitude itself?
While scientific studies reveal its myriad benefits—enhancing resilience, fostering stronger relationships, being more present, increasing overall health—the journey toward genuine gratitude can be deeply personal and often complex. Science and intellectual understanding alone don’t necessarily evoke the transformative power of gratitude in reshaping our understanding of life and connection to the universe.
For some of us, gratitude was not a feeling we grew up with. We had to access and awaken gratitude in ourselves, as it was dormant under our life challenges. The intricate relationship between gratitude and our experiences has been a transformative and beautiful journey of uncovering how this simple yet powerful emotion can lead us to a profound appreciation for existence itself.
Challenges of Embracing Gratitude
For numerous reasons, many people find it challenging to feel gratitude in general and/or consistently. For some people, gratitude can feel out of reach, insincere, or even irrelevant when experiencing distressing events such as illness, loss, or financial hardship. For many, past trauma can create a barrier to gratitude. Experiences like neglect, abuse, or loss can shape beliefs around scarcity and mistrust, making it difficult to see the world as a supportive place worth feeling grateful for.
Conditions like depression and anxiety can cloud positive emotions, making gratitude feel forced or unattainable. Depression can often distort perceptions of life, enhancing a focus on what's wrong. Additionally, gratitude can feel superficial when people struggle to find meaning or purpose in life. A sense of disconnection from one's purpose or a belief that life lacks deeper meaning can lead to a lack of appreciation for the simple joys of small blessings in daily life.
In societies that emphasize material success, ambition, and personal achievement, gratitude for what one has may be overlooked. Gratitude may feel secondary to the drive for "more," fostering a sense of dissatisfaction that dampens appreciation. When individuals have unrealistic standards for themselves and their lives, they often focus on what's lacking instead of what's good. Gratitude can feel inaccessible because they're perpetually dissatisfied with their efforts, achievements, or circumstances.
I have met and worked with countless people who have walked the path of growing up feeling wretched and lost while enduring hardships- to flourishing in the gratitude of every challenging moment they endured. They weren't grateful for their breath because being alive was painful; they weren't grateful for god because they grew up believing in a wrathful god; they weren't grateful for family because they had been emotionally abandoned or worse. They were not grateful for food, because they felt controlled by food and out of control around food – when they were using food to suppress negative/challenging emotions, it was hard for them to feel a positive emotion about food at the same time.
I get it. Many moons ago, I remember meeting people who were passionately grateful for life, for Earth, for water, for the four-legged, the two-legged, for the winged ones, for the sun, for the moon… The recognition of them having a very different life experience would illuminate my painful orientation to life, any misery I was feeling, and the profound disconnect I had to the point and purpose of experiencing this 3rd-dimensional reality. I remember wondering, "Why would I want to experience this, let alone be grateful for it?"
The starting point for gratitude, for some of us, was ground zero; hitting bottom with the challenges of life. What a profoundly powerful place for gratitude to blossom from!
As I was growing up, I didn't grasp the significance of gratitude. I often found myself questioning whether I was truly supposed to feel grateful for my soul's incarnation and the lessons found in hardship. After years of resisting this notion, I've realized the answer is yes. I feel a gratitude that embraces my whole life. I am grateful for everything—grateful for knowing entrapment before freedom, wretchedness before wonder, isolation before connection. I am deeply grateful for the chance to embrace the spectrum of existence—the sorrows, the triumphs, the agony, and the joy. I am even grateful for the experience of once not being able to experience gratitude. I have grown to appreciate the intensity and diversity of life's experiences while striving to maintain a sense of reverence and wonder.
Beyond Comparison: Gratitude as a Path to Wholeness
When I first started to feel grateful, I did so within the context of comparison- by comparing two different states of being. I felt grateful for how easy it was to breathe after having a cough, how easy it was to walk after having a sprained ankle, for the feeling of liberation after being entangled in an unhealthy situation, and for standing in my power after giving it away. For me, gratitude often emerged from the integration of the lessons from the difficult times: the strength that came from experiencing weakness, the clarity that came after confusion, and the heart opening that arose after agony had vanished.
Most often, I experienced gratitude after a struggle, from being relieved from a more difficult way of being, from valuing health over the lessons learned from sickness. Yet, gratitude from comparing different experiences was a door opener for me - this is where feeling gratitude blossomed in me naturally. It was a start! I could feel my heart exploring and expanding. I was learning to anchor in gratitude in these particular moments and get a sense of what gratitude felt like in my heart.
It made me wonder what gratitude is outside the context of comparison. I have heard many people share that they have felt gratitude because they feel more fortunate than others - having a warm place to sleep while others do not, having food when others are hungry, and being able to walk when others cannot. On the flip side, others have shared that constantly comparing themselves to others, especially with the amplification of social media, diminished their sense of gratitude. When they felt their lives were lacking in comparison to others, they often experienced jealousy or inadequacy, which greatly overshadowed gratitude.
Though these are very common experiences of gratitude, it made me wonder what gratitude is outside the context of separation and within the context of oneness; what gratitude is without comparison to others and comparison to the duality within my own experience. What is gratitude beyond the common framework of contrast and separation?
Beyond comparison, gratitude becomes a pure, unfiltered presence—an intrinsic state rather than a reaction to what we have more or less of than others. When we view gratitude through a lens of oneness, it shifts from a transactional feeling based on external circumstances to an encompassing recognition of simply being.
In this context, gratitude might feel less like, “I am grateful because I have X,” and more like, “I am grateful for the essence of being itself.” It becomes an acknowledgment of the wholeness of existence and of the interconnected flow that binds us to every experience and every form of life. Without comparison or duality, gratitude can feel like an innate reverence—one that doesn’t require validation through gain or loss but is sustained by a profound recognition of the beauty, mystery, and completeness of each moment.
It’s a gratitude that isn’t stirred by having something others lack or surpassing an internal hardship; instead, it is awakened by being fully immersed in life’s unfolding without needing anything to be different or better. This type of gratitude is a quiet, steady awareness—a state where separation fades, and gratitude arises simply from existing in unity with all that is.
Cultivating Gratitude
Overcoming challenges to feeling gratitude can be a gradual and personal journey that often requires gentle, intentional shifts, such as practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, or reframing experiences. Small steps toward cultivating gratitude can ultimately lead to a greater appreciation for life, even in the presence of struggles.
Sometimes, remembering how gratitude benefits us can provide a motivation to cultivate gratitude in our lives. Feeling gratitude boosts our mental health and emotional well-being by elevating our mood, reducing stress, and fostering resilience while reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Repeated gratitude practices also help create new neural pathways that orient our minds toward optimism. Practicing gratitude enhances physical health as it is linked to better sleep, lower blood pressure, and reduced inflammation.
Gratitude encourages deeper connections with others by increasing bonding and trust in relationships, creating a positive feedback loop of affection and empathy. Cultivating feelings of gratitude helps us anchor into the present moment, as well as expands our capacity for joy. Gratitude fosters a sense of interconnectedness, grounding us in an understanding of our purpose in the world and strengthening our connection to life itself while invigorating a profound sense of meaning.
With the benefits of feeling gratitude in mind, engaging in practices that cultivate gratitude can be easier and more effective. There are many common techniques, such as starting a daily gratitude ritual of journaling three things we’re grateful for each night, which builds a gratitude habit that becomes second nature. Writing down small, specific things each day creates a tangible record of positive experiences that can be uplifting, while also gradually building a foundation for larger feelings of appreciation.
Shifting our focus to what we can control and influence when dealing with challenging circumstances can help reduce stress and create a space for gratitude. By embracing small actions that support well-being, we can reclaim a sense of agency and create conditions that make gratitude more attainable. While it can be challenging to feel grateful during hard times, afterward, reflecting on what was learned or gained from struggles may help us feel grateful even for life's challenges. By seeing each moment of our lives, even the difficult ones, as part of a broader story, we may begin to appreciate our resilience, our ability to adapt, and our ongoing transformation.
Allowing ourselves to be human, with all our perceived flaws and mistakes, can reduce the pressure of perfectionism. Gratitude flourishes in an environment where self-acceptance is present, as it allows us to appreciate progress and small achievements rather than only focusing on what’s “perfect.” Additionally, reducing time spent on social media or unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison can help shift focus back to our lives, where we can engage in activities that bring us joy, peace, or satisfaction without comparison to others.
These approaches practiced over time, can help us create a mindset of gratitude that's rooted in authenticity, resilience, and self-compassion. If they are challenging, I believe it is important for us to be kind and patient with ourselves. If gratitude doesn't come easily, it can be nurturing to recognize that challenges, trauma, or pain can make feeling gratitude difficult. Self-compassion can open the door to experiencing gratitude authentically, and gradually, over time, gratitude can become a natural response to life.
The Flow of Gratitude Through Our Hearts
Feeling deeply grateful can enhance the flow of love through our hearts as gratitude itself can be experienced as an expression of love: love for all that is, for all experiences, for the gift of life, for being part of life's grand adventure, for simply existing. Love for all of creation: for the sun that sustains us, for the Earth that provides our home among the stars, for the loved ones who accompany us on our journeys, for our spirits that chose incarnation.
As an expression of love, gratitude acknowledges and appreciates the kindness, support, or beauty we receive from others or the world around us. When we feel grateful, we recognize the positive impact someone or something has had on our lives. This acknowledgment often inspires a desire to reciprocate, strengthen relationships, and spread positivity, embodying the essence of love in our interactions.
In the tapestry of life, gratitude can serve as a thread that weaves together our experiences, illuminating the beauty found even in struggle, while deepening our sense of purpose and belonging. It invites us to embrace the full spectrum of our emotions, recognizing that each challenge carries within it the potential for growth and transformation leading us to a more fulfilling existence. As we learn to access gratitude from a place of authenticity, we can discover a profound connection to ourselves, to others, and the universe.
